Funnies

[BLACK ICE]

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.

He didn't have to hear about all the men she
 could have married, and she didn't have to hear
 about the way his mother cooked.

[BLACK ICE]

[Mac Attack]

What dou you call a fish with no eyes? A FSH

[BLACK ICE]

Recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "t."

Examples of those days are as follows:

Tuesday
 Thursday
 Today
 Tomorrow
 Thanksgiving
 Thaturday
 Thunday

[BLACK ICE]

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his
 future holds.
 
 His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a
 beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
 
 The frog is thrilled, "This is great!
 "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
 
 "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

[Mac Attack]

Dad: “GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!”
Child: *storms off* “JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!”
Dad: “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?”

[BLACK ICE]

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity.

[BLACK ICE]

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope

[BLACK ICE]

[BLACK ICE]

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."

[BLACK ICE]

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new
 son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you
 into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we
 care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business.
 All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn
 the operations."
 
 The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't
 stand the noise."
 
 "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work
 in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
 
 "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand
 being stuck behind a desk all day."
 
 "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you
 half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't
 like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going
 to do with you?"
 
 "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

[BLACK ICE]

A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

"Just so there are no misunderstandings, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night. . . whether you're here or not."

[BLACK ICE]

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three
 Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first biker approached
 the old man, threw his cigarette into the old man's pie,
 and then took a seat at the counter.
 
 Then, a second biker walked over to the old man, spit into
 his glass of milk, and then took a seat at the counter.
 
 Finally, a third biker verbally attacked the old man,
 knocked his plate of food into his lap, and then took a
 seat at the counter.
 
 Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the
 diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers commented to
 the waitress, "Not much of a man, is he?"

 The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either.
 He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

[BLACK ICE]

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was being nasty and decides to make amends and give her a call.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

[Mac Attack]

Caller: Dials in 911 Hello officer, I broke my arm in 3 places!
Officer: Then stop going to those places.