BANNED FROM WAL-MART
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart .
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out of the Store quickly. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Strike - Zone,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Strike - Zone are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. October 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. November 22: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. December 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.
5. January 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. January 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. January 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. January 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. February 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. February 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. February 17: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. February 22: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. March 5: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. March 9: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. March 14: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'