MyFishFinder Forum

The Fisherman's Wharf => Fishing Stories => Topic started by: Cider on Mar 30, 2004, 11:33 PM

Title: It was...
Post by: Cider on Mar 30, 2004, 11:33 PM: It was a dark and stormy night when Jonny Ringo stepped out the back door to pick night crawlers...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Mar 31, 2004, 08:35 AM: Worms were everywhere, and he had a time picking worms and dreaming about what he would catch.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Mar 31, 2004, 11:07 AM: As Jonny bent over to capture an unsuspecting nightcrawler, his drawers drooped below his belt line, exposing his great derriere divide to his ex-wife who, as luck would have it, was driving by. She promptly and accurately tossed a...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: icefishnh on Mar 31, 2004, 01:34 PM: newspaper and hit him in the behind. he said...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Mar 31, 2004, 02:56 PM: Ouch, man I would rather read the comics with my other face!!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: oakorchardfishking on Mar 31, 2004, 04:09 PM: so back to pickin' he went, noticing something very odd about the worms that lay before him.....
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Mar 31, 2004, 04:27 PM: ...writhing in the grass. As he focused on them, his ex-wife, Thelma Lou, snuck up from behind him, picked up that newspaper and slapped him over his head while screaming...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Mar 31, 2004, 04:47 PM: I see your still the crazy fisherman that you used to be!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Mar 31, 2004, 04:59 PM: And he said, "I see you're still as ugly as you used to be"
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: sbfpa_Mike on Mar 31, 2004, 05:50 PM: Things seemed to be getting very hot and heavy at this point, just like old times. Jonny needed to do some quick thinking......
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: icebob on Mar 31, 2004, 06:24 PM: But then he was spared.... riding down the street was the paper boy screaming "I want my two dollars!!!"...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reelcharacter on Mar 31, 2004, 10:51 PM: Johnny replied, sorry kid, I do not have your two dollars, but I can give you a handfull or two of these weird looking wonder worms.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: sbfpa_Mike on Apr 01, 2004, 06:19 AM: Being a skeptic at heart, the paperboy wondered if the worm had legs, big teeth, and blood inside?
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Apr 01, 2004, 07:50 AM: The paperboy then asked Jonny if it had teeth and lots of legs. Jonny replied, no kid, those are bloodworms. We don't have them around here, you have to either go to the beach to find them or buy them from the Sammy's tackle store at $12 per dozen. I'd rather use nightcrawlers any day, but man those toothy worms would come in handy for use on my ex-wife to...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Webguy on Apr 01, 2004, 08:37 AM: .. sneak them in her salad that she keeps in he fridge, she's a vegetarian you see, and I still have the house keys.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 01, 2004, 12:51 PM: Well the paper boy crept into the house and found his way to the kitchen, when he opened the door of the fridge he crapped his pants! inside was the severed head of Toby the town drunk.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 01, 2004, 01:02 PM: Since no one was looking the paper boy pried the half full beer out of the severed heads mouth and drank it.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Little Brown Dog on Apr 01, 2004, 01:04 PM: Only to find out that it wasn't beer in that can. It was...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 01, 2004, 01:06 PM: Guiness, and he must need a fork to drink this stuff, so he walked over to the pantry and opened it up and to his suprise..............
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 01, 2004, 01:18 PM: there was a life sized pic of johnny in there full of darts!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 01, 2004, 01:18 PM: and a rather large cleaver right between his...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Webguy on Apr 01, 2004, 01:35 PM: ..eyes of course, where else would you land a cleaver meant for Johnny, and all the paper boy could think about was the fact that all he wanted was his 2 dollars and he screamed "I want my 2 dollars!" and exited stage left.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 01, 2004, 01:44 PM: Jonny managed to give his ex the slip and went inside to grab his alimony money that he was witholding from her. He stuffed the money in his pocket, collected up the freshly picked worms and headed off in the pitch black and pouring rain...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: treed942000 on Apr 01, 2004, 03:57 PM: only to find his favorite fishing hole, ah what a use for those freshly caught night crawlers, Johnny thought...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Apr 01, 2004, 05:25 PM: Jonny thought that he might try a spinner in his favorite hole in hopes of catching a few active fish before settling down with a baited hook. He tied on his spinner and when attempting to cut off the tag end of his line, cut the newly tied spinner right off his line. Wouldn't you know that his newly purchased spinner, which $1.09 at WalMart on sale, fell right into a...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: treed942000 on Apr 01, 2004, 05:57 PM: pile of cow dung, now...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Little Brown Dog on Apr 01, 2004, 06:35 PM: ...what do I do? What a F'in day I'm havin! Well, It's only cow dung so I may as well retie and do what I came to do, that's catch a big one.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: MickeyFinn on Apr 01, 2004, 07:18 PM: So he casted and he casted and he casted for hours, through over hanging trees, shrubs and flowers then came the bite, the fight and the familar scream, of that friggin paper boy wanting his green...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 01, 2004, 08:04 PM: two dollar bill. He screamed that since it was overdue, he raised the bill to three dollars and demanded one of those Bill Clinton greenbacks, the 3 dollar bills
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Little Brown Dog on Apr 01, 2004, 08:20 PM: That's it! says Johnny. He grabs the paper boy and puts him on the biggest trebble he has and gives it a fling into the dark water.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: sbfpa_Mike on Apr 01, 2004, 09:09 PM: The paperboy is not very happy because the water is very cold and ..........
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 01, 2004, 10:59 PM: this hadn't been his idea of a perfect day either. He whipped out his pocket knife and cut himself free deciding then and there to head over to Louie's Afterhours Bar to see if he could find a poker game.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 02, 2004, 12:03 AM: So Johnny walks into the bar and it just so happens that the world series of poker is filiming and he qualified in a online tournement. So Johnny cleans himself up and makes the best vancouvercanuck moneymaker face he could and sits his but down at his table. $20K in chips (that's canadian money by the way) and gets delt a couple of cowboys. Can Johnny be having a better day he thinks? Well, just so happens buddy calls his hand..............
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: rgfixit on Apr 02, 2004, 05:20 AM: Johnny, having bet his 20k Canadian ($1.82 American) was sure he had the winning hand and would soon be able to afford that glass of beer and hotdog he so desperately craved (approximate cost $40k Canadian), but his friend,......
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Webguy on Apr 02, 2004, 06:22 AM: (maybe friend isn't the right word but anyway) the paperboy, who had spied him across the room was still very upset about that whole bait ordeal, decided to blow his hand by accusing Johnny of cheating. :P
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Apr 02, 2004, 10:48 AM: It turns out that the cards were actually frozen. You see, Johnny was slick. He hid a hand in the freezer so when it was time to call, he grabbed those cards out of the freezer and stuffed his real hand in, saying he had to get his...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 02, 2004, 10:51 AM: salted smelt. Jonny said "I always enjoy a good snack of frozen salted smelt while playing poker and I don't waste leftover bait. It reminds me of the time I was...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: treed942000 on Apr 02, 2004, 11:14 AM: frozen to the lake after a light thaw in the daily sun...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reelcharacter on Apr 02, 2004, 11:40 PM: with the boxers and a few inches of but-crack showing, until . . .
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Webguy on Apr 03, 2004, 07:26 AM: the angry croud had enough of his bull and dragged his sorry butt outside and beat him to a pulp while the paper boy smiled and said "and you still owe me 2 dollars!"
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: rgfixit on Apr 03, 2004, 07:33 AM: Standing there, holding out his hand gesturing to Johnny to hand over the cash, the paperboy said, "2 dollars Canadian that is, or $.00125 American". Johnny, looking up at the demanding paperboy........
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 03, 2004, 07:49 AM: spit in his hand and said "go straight to hades" whereupon the angry mob grabbed Mr. Ringo and ran off to find a strong rope, strong enough for a lynchin'.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Apr 03, 2004, 09:58 AM: And who was carrying the rope? None other than Thelma Lou, his ex-wife, as she screamed at the top of her huge lungs...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 03, 2004, 09:59 AM: I'll get you now you cheatin , too much fishin, liar!!!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 03, 2004, 02:35 PM: The mob found just the tree they needed right on courthouse square, Preacher Jim put the noose around the doomed man's head and said "speak your last words Jonny Ringo!"
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 03, 2004, 02:37 PM: Jonny glared out from atop the horse he was sittin' on pursed his lips and with his best Clint Eastwood snarl said "Eat fish you weenies!" as he pulled out his...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: sbfpa_Mike on Apr 03, 2004, 02:38 PM: Now, this town isn't the biggest around and if you have ever been to Las Vegas, you would know that there just aren't any trees around to hang a man.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: oakorchardfishking on Apr 03, 2004, 02:39 PM: trusty pocket fisherman, with one mighty cast and a whole lot of hoping and praying......
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: TroutFishingBear on Apr 03, 2004, 03:21 PM: then he said, "screw this! I'm swimming away" but then, while swimming, he...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Webguy on Apr 03, 2004, 04:20 PM: began to choke and just as he gasped his last breath before drowning he woke up in his bed, breathing heavily and in a cold sweat and thought "man things were really getting wierd!"
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 04, 2004, 10:23 AM: Yea things were weird, and they were about to get even weirder, as he lay in bed he felt the touch of another, he looked to his right side and there lay his ex-wife Thelma Lou.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 04, 2004, 11:24 AM: AARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 04, 2004, 12:48 PM: Arrghhh said Popeye as he walked out of the ensuite wrapped in a towel, just barely large enough to cover his but crack.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 04, 2004, 02:42 PM: So Popeye hopped into bed with Jonny and Emmy Lou and ask to no one inparticular "how do you spell the word describing the rear end of ciggarette?"
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 04, 2004, 02:49 PM: BUTT, neither Jonny or Emmy had completed the third grade and couldn't even spell "cigarette"!!! "Besides", they informed Popeye, "we enjoy smoking..."
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Webguy on Apr 04, 2004, 03:52 PM: and jammin' to wicked tunes" to which Johnny spouted quoting Joe Walsh "the smoker you drink the player you get" then he laughed like a madman and ran off into the woods.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 04, 2004, 04:03 PM: stark naked with his 12 1/2 ft. float pole in hopes of finding...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 04, 2004, 05:12 PM: a pair of chestwaders to cover his nakedness.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Apr 04, 2004, 09:13 PM: He found some chest waders, but the suspenders and wading belt were missing. So he took a rope, tied it around his waist and the waders, and proceeded to...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 04, 2004, 09:22 PM: grab a fishing rod and bait to go fishing of course!!!!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reelcharacter on Apr 04, 2004, 11:42 PM: Then he discovered he did not have any hooks, so he decided to . . .
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 05, 2004, 11:46 AM: go to the store and buy some
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 05, 2004, 11:48 AM: So he stole the nearest pickup (probably a ford or a chev there easy to steal ;)) and proceeded down the highway in search of some Berkley Big Gulp.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 05, 2004, 11:51 AM: As he was driving he thought how nice it was that he didn't get a ford so he could actually be able to drive, and that he didn't get a Dodge, but that he got a chevy because they are the best. A lot of people there had one since they were so popular and awesome, so it was easy to nab!!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 05, 2004, 04:40 PM: His ruminations were interupted by the sound of sirens, when he grabbed a quick look in his rearview there was a pair of state police interceptors bearing down on him he stepped on the gas and the motor died.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 05, 2004, 05:04 PM: in his haste to step on teh gas, he had turned the key with his hand as he jerked upward... ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: crappieloo on Apr 05, 2004, 07:30 PM: and threw the shifter into reverse and scattered that wimpy 7004r tranny all over the road. Now, being in a small town the police behind him in a new f-150 was ready to lock him up but.......
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: treed942000 on Apr 06, 2004, 07:46 AM: with the brand new F-150, he bumped the door lock in his haste to get out and the doors locked behind him with the hand cuffs still in cab...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Fat Boy on Apr 06, 2004, 08:33 AM: ...and all the while, all Jonny could think about was how he wound up with Emmy Lou instead of Thelma Lou. He imagined that Thelma Lou and Emmy Lou were working together on some sort of scam that...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 06, 2004, 09:09 AM: would entice fishermen to give them all their money. You see, Jonny was a professional expert master fisherman and so Thelma Lou and Emmy Lou being identical twins (except for that small birthmark located...but that's a different story) decided to tag team him to gather as much information as possible out of him. Everything was going great until someone noticed the slight discrepency in their names and...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 06, 2004, 01:36 PM: called teh FBI
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: crappieloo on Apr 06, 2004, 04:22 PM: which as everyone knows stands for Female Body Inspector. When the FBI showed up he was all excited when...........
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: sbfpa_Mike on Apr 06, 2004, 05:34 PM: when Thelma Lou and Emmy Lou were 1/2 way through a 24 pack of cold Coors Original. The FBI agent was thirsty as well as interested: if you know what I mean......
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 06, 2004, 09:07 PM: and the FBI agent was a female too if you know what I mean. But, Jonny didn't have time for any of these fantasies because he was still in his waders with his 12 1/2 ft float pole. Dressed for action if you know what I mean...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 07, 2004, 12:00 AM: This is where it gets sticky. You see, Thelma Lou and Emmy Lou were just 2/3rds of a bigger ball of wax as it were. Ever since they were little girls the sisters had felt something was missing. That something was bounding onto the scene right now. Dottie Lou Tripeaux was the final 1/3rd of three tons of triple play fun. Here is a photo of the girls waiting for their lunch down at the Fort Worth Stockyards.
(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sharemation.com%2Fdstrunk%2Fstockyard.jpg&hash=6483d2bfad67d5d5a6caf4bbc721f250)
That's Dottie Lou holding down right field. Our intrepid Female Body Inspector will likely have his/her hands full for some time to come. I hope he/she brought along a cattle prod for self protection. Jonny was not too confused by all of this too fail and seize the opportunity to make good his escape. But not before loaning his waders to the FBI man/woman to use as a improvised se xual protection device. the last time I saw Jonny Ringo he was walking towards route 66 humming King of the Road.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 07, 2004, 10:44 AM: and to make matters worse the police wouldn't even show up to break up the impeding stampede that was about to take place. So whom could he call?

(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg4.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2F0803%2Fvancouvercanuck%2FPr040204stripped.jpg&hash=4b9d6bd75c36454abb96bbe161d85575)
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 07, 2004, 11:04 AM: Realizing that these were desperate times, he knew it would take someone with a keen sense of smell who could point out the way...

(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg31.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv94%2FCider%2FDogs%2FDutch.jpg&hash=d2696df7cf642b74b626acbd9b8e1576)

So, it was off to the lake finally....

(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg31.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv94%2FCider%2FCalm.jpg&hash=740f158d98f11e65f95f665b3efbc296)

To catch trophy fish with Fat Boy at one of his clinics...

(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg31.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv94%2FCider%2Fsuperdink.jpg&hash=ea6a8c2829b870cad4266bc55fed484e)
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: vancouvercanuck on Apr 07, 2004, 11:31 AM: and who was there poking his nose around where it didn't belong? Cider of course.........

(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg31.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv94%2FCider%2FDogs%2FCiderF.jpg&hash=c904b2fdea0d7ef50bc742da2246ea3d)

"Let me in the boat guys", exclaimed Cider, "I haven't been fishn' yet this year, and I'm dying to get out". To wich Fat Boy answered back............
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 07, 2004, 12:23 PM: there is only enough room in this 50 foot rig for me!! I fill it up!!!!
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: oakorchardfishking on Apr 07, 2004, 09:21 PM: and since jonny had given away his waders to the FBI agent....
(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg43.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv132%2Foakorchardfishking%2Fforgotten_waders.jpg&hash=f512bb4e226daca0f42dd3bc338f4983)
they werent too keen about letting him into that boat.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 08, 2004, 04:09 PM: Where could he go from here? All this poor soul wants to do is go fish and so, but naked, he did just that, he whipped a ferocious cast with his 12.5 foot stick and placed his bait right next to a ancient cypress knee.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Cider on Apr 08, 2004, 04:11 PM: Where a rather large and boistrous channel cat happened to be lurking...
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: reubenpa on Apr 08, 2004, 04:31 PM: Bam the cat pounced on the hook like it was (oops) catnip
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: fishin_musician on Apr 08, 2004, 09:37 PM: Bitnap? catnip, bitmap catnap whatever it tasted just like a bloody chicken liver to this #40 santee cooper channel cat.
Title: Re: It was...
Post by: Otter on Apr 28, 2004, 02:57 PM: Then the line got wrapped around this tree, and the channel cat made a B-line for his channel.

(https://www.myfishfinder.com/fishing_forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg1.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv40%2Fwilsokc%2Fnemesis.jpg&hash=688fda4520ecf0d49df7a60378e5bae0)