Rodney Dangerfield...we'll miss him

[rgfixit]

He had a million of 'em


                                   R.I.P.

 "I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The
guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!"
                                   * * *
   "Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.'
He told me to pay in advance."
                                   * * *
  "One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother
in Pittsburgh."
                                   * * *
  "Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I
was brushing my teeth with Preparation H."
                                   * * *
  "Oh, when I was a kid I was poor. We were so poor, when my father
died, they asked my mother, 'Paper or plastic?' "
                                   * * *
  "My uncle's dying wish, he wanted me on his lap. He was in the
electric chair."
                                   * * *
  "I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called
me from a motel."
                                   * * *
 "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
a radio."
                                   * * *
   "I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on
the  tenth floor, so they sent a priest to talk to me. He said, "On your
mark."
                                   
                                   * * *
       "My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday."
                                   * * *
  "I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle
fought for the West."
                                   * * *
    "I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin."
                                   * * *
 "I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me
that  she only liked me as a friend."
                                   * * *
 "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive
in it."
                                   * * *
 "I remember the first time I made love.  It was dark, I was
frightened...I was alone."


RG

[billditrite]

"my wife and i are trying to quit smoking...we only smoke after sex!ive had the same pack for months but she smoke three packs a day!"  he will surely be missed .one of a kind he was

[seaweed01]

RG - your to much!  Nice quotes.

[susquayuga fisher]

Another fave:     I fell asleep with a cigarette in my mouth, and my wife lit it!! No respect, I tell ya.......

[OTIS]

He was awesome!

"I got no luck I tell ya.  I go fishing I catch nothing, I go to an orgy and I catch everything!"

[Fat Boy]

Yep, I'll miss him too...  Here's a few more:

I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times...three of those times I was reading it.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

[firstice_rules]

i have to say he was my favorite comedian.
he will be missed greatly.

[fishin_musician]

I guess I must be an ass man cause I'll be walking down the street and everyone says "Your an ass man".
and my favotrite
The last time I saw a mouth like it had a hook in it!
FM

[big walleye]

He wasawesome. Thanks guy's for printing those lines. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so much. Can you imagine how he is making everyone in the better land laugh right now?

[genz_man]

He was the best

[rgfixit]

Seaweed,
Credit where credit is due...that was sent to me by Packerbacker....I thought it worthy of a post.

RG

[fozsey]

Here's to Mr. D. He was truely one of a kind...