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The Fisherman's Wharf => Fishing Stories => Topic started by: BooneHomes on Mar 22, 2010, 08:44 PM

Title: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: BooneHomes on Mar 22, 2010, 08:44 PM
A Fishy Story
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says,  "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Title: how 'bout this one!
Post by: BooneHomes on Mar 22, 2010, 08:45 PM
One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs his dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down to the driveway he goes

Coming out of his garage the rain is pouring down: it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow and sleet mixed in with the rain. The wind is blowing at over 50mph.

Minutes later he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house. Turns the TV to the weather channel and he finds it is going to be very bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible". To which she sleepily replies, "Yeah, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: KgbnY on Mar 24, 2010, 05:24 PM
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing.

Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.

"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: KgbnY on Mar 24, 2010, 05:26 PM
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.

He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: deweyfishopenwater on Mar 26, 2010, 09:23 PM
did you know next year n.y. state is making people get physical before you can get your fishing.      ( yeah they want to check & see if you have worms. ) :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: Grumpyoldman on Mar 28, 2010, 04:36 AM
What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet. Aaaargh it's the "C".
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: Sluggo / NY on Mar 28, 2010, 08:53 AM
The day after his ex-wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your former wife," said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow!"
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: JIMMYBOUY on Mar 29, 2010, 11:09 PM
I do like fly fishin, but they tend to stick to the pan when you cook em ;D
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: maggot on Apr 03, 2010, 07:01 PM
i do like shore fishin' but i'm not so sure we will catch something-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------LOL
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: OUTHNTN on Apr 04, 2010, 08:03 PM
HARDEST PART 'BOUT SMOKIN' FISH IS KEEP'N 'EM LIT!!  ;D
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: tipin2back on Apr 04, 2010, 08:20 PM
The day after his ex-wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your former wife," said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow!"
.........

my wifes great, but hell.....this ones funny :D :D :D
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: JCFISH0314 on Apr 05, 2010, 07:26 PM
 ;D Nothing beats the funeral joke!
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: cnypanfisher on Apr 06, 2010, 02:18 PM
More a joke on a DEC officer than just a joke.

A friend of mine went south for a week and went fishing, he caught a very nice false albacore and thought it would be great for his upcoming taxidermy course.

When he got into his class the teacher told them all to bring in the fish they wanted to do, and he was told the fish was too greasy and would fall apart if he attempted it. So he went and got a trout and stuffed it instead.

So now he has a tuna fish, and the thing is sitting in his freezer till the following winter. He was out ice fishing a small pond, and every day a DEC guy would come check him and his buddies license. After doing this 3 or 4 days in a row, they thought this guy must be a mental case, he knew them by their first names at this point. So the next day he brought the tuna fish, he drilled a hole halfway to his spot, and dropped that tuna fish next to the hole with a couple bluegills.

Sure enough here comes Mr. DEC guy again, he gets halfway to them and stares at that fish for what seemed like 10 minutes. He gets to them, and says, "hey Shaun, where did that tuna fish come from"? Shaun says to the guy, "are you drinking, we are catching bluegills"? He says, "no there's a gadam tuna fish over there, and I know you guys put it there". So Shaun say's, "I dunno what you are talking about" as he reels in another bluegill for the bucket. So the guy checks them again and goes to the other groups on the ice and asks the same thing. All they heard was riotous laughter as everyone gathers around that gadam tuna fish.

Finally the guy gives up on finding the culprits and takes the tuna fish and heads back to his truck while everyone on the pond were laughing like hell. They never saw that guy on the pond the rest of the winter, real true story, funny stuff.

cny
Title: BOAT FOR SALE!!!
Post by: BooneHomes on Apr 08, 2010, 10:51 AM
Steve was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said Boat For Sale. This confused Steve because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. Hey Ole, said Steve, I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but ya ain't ever been fisun and don't even have a boat. All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and combine. Ole Calmly replied Yup, and they're boat for sale.
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: Raquettedacker on Apr 08, 2010, 11:01 AM
Had to copy and repost this one from Droberts.......

drobertsinMaryland
Jr. Member



Location: Frederick, Maryland



  Fishing tale
on: Jan 03, 2010, 03:02 PM Reply with quote  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one..  

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,  "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a  frog.

The  man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes,  I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I' ll turn  into the most beauti ful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I  will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time,  reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened  his pocket, looked at the frog and  said,  "Nah,  at my age I'd rather have a talking  frog."

 
  
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: Get Hooked on Apr 09, 2010, 05:52 AM
What did the fish say when he hit a wall??????     DAM!
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: JCFISH0314 on Apr 09, 2010, 04:35 PM
I cheated and stole this from a joke site... but it is a cheesy fishing joke.

A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: rainbowrunner on May 05, 2010, 03:30 PM
This is a visual joke, so you have to picture it.

Me:  Did you hear about the one-armed fisherman?
You:  No.
Me, holding up one hand:  Caught a fish this long.
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: LadyLaker on May 12, 2010, 10:41 AM
His and Hers Diaries....

In her Diary:
Tonight,I thought my husband was acting weird. We made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping  with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Nothing". I asked if it was my fault that he was upset. He said, he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it.
On our way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too".
When we got home, I felt like I had lost him completely. he just sat there quietly, and watched T.V. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally with all the silence around us, I decided to go to bed. about 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love! But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were elsewhere.
He fell asleep - I cried. .......I don't know what to do!

I'm sure that his thoughts are with someone else.  My life is a disaster!

In his Diary:
My boat wouldn't start today,Can't figure it out, BUT at least I got laid. ;)




Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: gorilla head on May 12, 2010, 05:28 PM
Had to copy and repost this one from Droberts.......

drobertsinMaryland
Jr. Member



Location: Frederick, Maryland



  Fishing tale
on: Jan 03, 2010, 03:02 PM Reply with quote  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one..  

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,  "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a  frog.

The  man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes,  I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I' ll turn  into the most beauti ful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I  will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time,  reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened  his pocket, looked at the frog and  said,  "Nah,  at my age I'd rather have a talking  frog."

 
  

That was the best one of the thread. although they were all pretty good. thanks for sharing
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: Zorros shack on Jun 17, 2010, 04:37 PM
His and Hers Diaries....

In her Diary:
Tonight,I thought my husband was acting weird. We made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping  with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Nothing". I asked if it was my fault that he was upset. He said, he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it.
On our way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too".
When we got home, I felt like I had lost him completely. he just sat there quietly, and watched T.V. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally with all the silence around us, I decided to go to bed. about 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love! But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were elsewhere.
He fell asleep - I cried. .......I don't know what to do!

I'm sure that his thoughts are with someone else.  My life is a disaster!

In his Diary:
My boat wouldn't start today,Can't figure it out, BUT at least I got laid. ;)







That's funny yet gross and funny again. I can a make a realistic duck noise with my mouth.  :D
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: IceBalls on Jun 24, 2010, 08:25 PM
Sexy blonde is talking to her boyfriend: "Girls don't know nothin' about Ice Fishing, says he".  Oh, Yeah??, she says.....I'll show you!!

So, she goes out and buys all the necessary Ice Fishing gear:  Rods, lures, Auger, Vex, etc, etc.   She drills a hole in the ice and proceeds to fish.  Before long a huge BOOMING voice comes from above:  'THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE"..... so she moves all her gear about 100 feet away, drillls another hole, and starts to fish.  Before long the voice comes again "THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE" it says.  The blonde looks up to the sky and says " Is that you GOD???"

NO, says the voice.....THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK!!!!
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: slipperybob on Jul 15, 2010, 05:12 AM
Here's some really cheesy ones:

Why cant you borrow anything from a clam?  They're shellfish.

Why is the shark always cast as the bad guy in the movie?  He's not a starfish.

Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: slipperybob on Jul 16, 2010, 12:38 AM
What's a fisherman's best fishing friend?  A dogfish

What kind of fish are in a mine pit?  Goldfish
Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: monkeyman2269 on Jul 21, 2010, 08:15 PM
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Texas recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?' 'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.'

'Pet fish?'

'Yeah.. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home.'

'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'

'O. K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'

'Well, what?,' says the redneck.

The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'

'Call who back?'

'The FISH,' replied the warden!

'What fish?,' replied the redneck. ............

Title: Re: Cheesy fishing jokes anyone?
Post by: rp dog on May 24, 2015, 08:13 PM
Old fella takes his boat out fishing when about half way across the lake the boat just quits. No problem he thinks he will just row back to shore . That's when he realized he left the oars at home. As he drifts across the lake he finally gets within earshot of another boat finally some hope for the situation he's in. He yells to man sitting in the middle, mister can i borrow your oars? The reply came back, Mister them aint my ------ thats me mum and me sister